Confidence Builders, Positive Motivation

Do you feel trapped by commitments?

Staying in a role that you hate will have a long-term impact.

When I overstayed in my corporate role at ANZ, I would walk to work each day just hating on everything – from the office layout, the state of the toilets, my boss’s messy desk, my messy desk, and the actual work too. I was mentally living in negativity city and it really made me feel really sick – I got a weird contact lens related eye infection, I had a breast cancer scare, I never seemed to be able to catch the bus on time, I was in a perpetual argument with my then husband.  It was just a vicious cycle of ‘everything sux’ (and not in a good funny Kylie Mole* kinda way.)   But I realise now is the one thing that was missing was taking action.  I was so scared about meeting mortgage commitments and getting renovations done, I just couldn’t value my own happiness.  And it wasn’t worth it.  If  I had  just started researching, writing down my thoughts, practicing gratitude and expanding my horizon, my life could have been so much easier (and happier).  This is what I do now when I am in grumpy town and I can not recommend the power of taking action more.

Ask yourself, what will happen if you stay in this situation for the next 3 years?  What impact will that have on how you see yourself, your company and your career?

Start to analyse WHY you are staying. If there is something happening right now that means you have to stay, set a deadline for yourself to start looking for a new job so you know this period of your life will have an end point.  

If there’s nothing holding you back other than YOU MAKING THAT DECISION,  then its time to take action today! 

Yes as in, right now!

You will immediately feel better.  The momentum you build will take the pressure off what is happening at work day to day. Now, the actions you take today don’t have to be scary.  They can take the form of lots of tiny tiny steps, such as: 

  • researching your next job,
  • actively questioning what you want, 
  • writing down your feelings, 
  • writing down your decisions,
  • asking for the support you need to make the move.

If financial commitments are making you feel trapped, work out what your minimum salary level needs to be.  

I always advise that if you’re moving from one permanent role to the next you should be asking for at least a 20% pay rise to make it worthwhile.  

Why?  

Because all the goodwill you have stored up in your current job is worth something. Whether its extra flexibility, no one questioning you if you come in a little late or take a sick day, that build-up of trust and support is worth something.  Make sure you factor this in.  That said, if you have to move FAST because you need a life-raft job to get out of a really bad situation, then I recommend finding something that pays at least as much as your current salary.

Don’t let yourself go backwards financially. Going backwards can take longer to recover from than you think, and its just not worth it. There’s a reason you get paid good money in your current role so don’t back down on your salary because your current role has worn you down.  It took me 5 years to get back to where I was when I was at ANZ – 5 years!!!!  That impacted my savings, super and wardrobe!!  Choose joy and money and don’t accept that you can’t have both because you can! (I do now and its awesome, so it is possible.)

Now, I’d love to hear from you by commenting on this post here. 

What is one thing you can do today to get out of that crappy job? 

And, if you’re currently in a job you love (BIG YAY!!!) – what is one thing you are grateful for in your current role? 

* For those of you unfamiliar with the pure pleasure of Kylie Mole see this clip

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Confidence Builders, Finding your purpose, Get a promotion, Positive Motivation

Is work making you feel like Sigourney Weaver in Aliens? Try this 1 simple trick to re-set!

Is your mindset holding you back?  


If yes, then this learning note is for you!  It will provide you with an easy way to shift your mindset.  I use it all the time.


Getting crystal clear on what you are aiming to do next is tough if your work and headspace is full of noise and confusion.
 


Use these super simple techniques to help shift into the best possible mindset to get crystal clear on your next career move.

Key Learning Prompts 

  1. Use an open and curious mindset to support you to positively move towards your next job move
  2. Learn ways to create and maintain an open and curious  mindset
  3. Check-in with your inner ‘noise’
  4. Note down when you speak to yourself negatively and ask yourself ‘What is happening for me right now?’
  5. Know your triggers
  6. Create mindset re-sets that work for you when you need a quick shift

My Story

I have had a lot of de-programming to do over the years. Some of this was from family or TV (I’m Gen X, there was no instagram in the ‘90s) and some of it was from companies I worked for.  

Sometimes corporate speak – ‘cut the fat’, ‘lift and shift’, ‘evangelist’, ‘dead wood’, ‘resources’, ‘lackey’, ‘yes-man’, ‘blocker’, ‘master’, ‘servant-leadership’ – when taken out of our context is just kind of creepy (ok, I want to say gothic or colonial or oligarchy but creepy kinda just covers it for now).  

It seeps into our DNA. 

It can be a form of aggression that we are not even aware of.  

To write a book, to start a business was to overcome a lifetime of programming –  being taught a government job was safest, that the way to get ahead was to wear a power suit and have super BIG hair (hello 80’s ladies!!) while working for a CORPORATION and that speaking up is a CLM (Career Limiting Move). 

I have lots of techniques I use to ‘trick’ myself out of these robotic ways of operating and to help me be more open and curious.  

This is the key mindset that helps me to be creative and stay true to myself.   It helps me to apply for jobs, ask for a promotion, ask for a pay rise, build a business and write a book (and so much more!!)

Keep reading below for some simple prompts to help you with your own de-programming.  This will help you to stay open so that you can get crystal clear on what YOU MOST WANT to do next.  

Activity – Create your own beautiful Mindset Re-set list

What you say in your head matters. 

Create a list of five positives to read through when your old negative thoughts and stories are overwhelming you. 

Can’t think of five positives? 

Here are some ideas to prompt you:

  • List down 5 of your top strengths
  • Write down 3 reasons why you are great at your job
  • Reflect on all of your achievements and create a best of list
  • Note down any affirmations that always shift your mood instantly
  • Contemplate what you are most grateful for, write it down!

Choose five of the best AND WRITE THEM DOWN!  

Have it handy when you need it most.  (Tip: Add it into your notes app or write them on a post-it and stick the post-it on your mirror.)

If you add to this list weekly (especially with any positive feedback you get) you will create something that is truly beautiful and 100% just for you.

Good Luck!  

You deserve to be happy! 

You are worth so much more!

I believe in you!

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Confidence Builders, Finding your purpose, Positive Motivation

Get crystal clear on your life purpose by doing this one thing

>>> Make the decision to choose your life purpose<<<

Key Learning Points

  1. A central life purpose creates a bedrock of meaning around everything you do
  2. It can help you feel more connected to those around you
  3. A life purpose can change and shift
  4. It doesn’t have to be perfect
  5. More purpose, more meaning equals much more joy!

My story

I always wanted a ‘purpose’ but I never really knew what that would mean for me.  After divorce number two I decided I wanted to live a much more purposeful life. I felt like I had drifted into things and ended up doing things that didn’t really work for me. Sometimes it was saying No to a great job, or saying YES to stay in a relationship that just wasn’t working.

There was no bigger picture of what I wanted overall to achieve in my life.

I felt not having this really meant I wasn’t picking the right or best things for me in terms of who I had in my life and what I was doing with it.  I really wanted to feel like I had a frame for my decisions. So I started the work to create a life purpose. It took a while and I even took two weeks off work to just work on myself.  I would never have done that earlier in my life.

It sounds so fluffy and yet  it was probably the best two weeks investment I have ever spent on myself and all it cost me was my own time (and annual leave).

In this post I really want to provide some prompts to help you begin this process.   And WHY do I want to do this?  Because having this purpose has led to the happiest, most creative and fulfilling 3 years of my life and counting. And, I WANT THAT FOR YOU TOO!

Activity

Make the decision to choose your life purpose

And then,

  1. Right down all the reasons you want a life purpose (and stick this list up where you will see it first thing in the morning)
  2. Describe what having a life purpose would mean and feel like to you
  3. Find 2 people who embody having a life purpose in the way that you would like too.  What do you admire about these people? What makes them stand out to you?
  4. Now, book in a time each month to work on your life purpose.
  5. And, go for it!!

Want some inspirational resources to keep you going for it?

For Reading…

  • Grit – The Power of Passion and Perseverance  by Angela Duckworth, Page 62.  The way Angela lays out how goals can link together, is how I have structured my purpose and goals.  With my BIG LIFE purpose being : Help Women Progress and then all my other goals big and small linking back to this big goal in some way.
  • Rising Strong by Brene Brown – Chaper 2 – Civilisation Stops At The Water Line
  • Start with WHY by Simon Sinek – Chapter 13 – The Origins of Why. I recommend reading the whole book but this chapter gives some context for how WHY can influence us so strongly.
  • Think Grow Rich  – Chapter 2 – Desire.  This book is focussed on MONEY but really it can apply to EVERYTHING in life.  In fact, the super inspirational Marie Forleo video below is Chapter 2 lived (Read and watch to expand your mindset and also to see how this actually works.)
  • Eat Pray Love – because its awesome!

For inspiration watch this: Have an impossible dream?  This Women Proves You Can Achieve It 

Want a group program to be involved in?

Looking for a program to support re-programming your negative thoughts into positive ones, this program and book is amazing (Melissa’s podcast is a great listen as well):  Mastering Your Mean Girl Program

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Confidence Builders, Positive Motivation

Want more confidence? 

Yes! Then this learning note is for you!  It will provide you with some great tips for helping you understand yourself more and create more confidence in all areas of your life.

Key Learning Prompts

  • building confidence takes deliberate practice
  • getting feedback from friends, family and colleagues can provide you with some awesome surprises
  • ‘great at’ lists create a foundation for your confidence
  • writing and reflecting helps to embed new learnings about yourself and strengthen confidence further
  • low confidence can lead to poor life and career choices so its impact needs to be managed just like any other ‘project’ risk

 

Warning! Low confidence can lead to poor career choices!

 

The Story – my clients and my own

 

I can pinpoint with minute accuracy when low confidence led me to make poor career and life choices:

  • 2006 –  I was in a crap role with a bully boss and I was offered a Test Manager role on a single project. I didn’t take it because it didn’t fit with my view of being strong at working across multiple projects vs one. I should have taken the role and saved myself another 12 months of bullying.

 

  • 2008 – I lost confidence from the previously mentioned role and began making very reactive decisions about  my job and also who to date.  I felt like I ‘couldn’t progress’, or I needed a relationship to ‘make me feel better/complete’. These internal mantras meant I kept myself down and limited my choices.

 

  • 2013 – I left a great role because I was sick of the office politics because I didn’t think I could ‘take it’.  I really just needed a holiday but the mantra of ‘I cant take it any more’ led me making a not great career choice to start a contract role that was then suddenly cut short (Don’t worry, I was working in a new role 2 weeks later  but that’s another story).

 

 

Being deliberate about maintaining your confidence is essential to a successful and enjoyable career. Bad choices can snowball and are easily made when our confidence ebbing.

Maximising Your Confidence

I work with my clients to help re-set and re-build their confidence. Some clients have this as one of their 3 month goals and others have this as set of supporting actions to make a goal easier to achieve.

The Four Steps !

A great confidence building suite of actions is to complete the following over a fortnight:

(1) List 30 things you do well – (can be anything)

(2) List 6 things you are GREAT AT!

(3) Write as much as as possible about WHY you are great at these 6 things

(4) Ask at least 2 past colleagues and 3 friends or family to describe what you are great at and then create a list, noting which attributes come up more than once

Follow up activity

Read through these lists each morning for 30 days and I’ll guarantee you’ll feel so much more positive and energised. Your confidence and belief in yourself will improve and you might even start noticing more things to add to your lists.

One Final Tip – Decision Making and Confidence

If you know you’re low on confidence then consider how it may impact any important decisions you have coming up. Write these impacts down and then work out (and write down) ways to limit the impact.

This will help save you from making a decision in the following way :

The options available to me are based on what I think of myself,

if I think of myself as a poor candidate for a new role

then I will find 10 reasons why I should apply for a lower paid, lower status position but

if I think of myself as THE BEST CANDIDATE EVER!!

then I will apply for an even more senior position.

 

 

Same person, confidence is the only difference and the impact is HUGE!

 

You’re awesome and I 100% believe that what you want is the right thing for you!!

Go for it!!

Now, I’d love to hear from you….

What makes you confident at work?

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I'm Ready Now Book, Positive Motivation

How to stay positive when your boss is crazy AF

Ok, I know that ‘crazy’ is the most misused word against women but sometimes we do just have a CRAZY boss to deal with.  One of the biggest challenges in my career has been dealing with bosses that are unpredictable, irrational, angry and explosive.  This has crossed genders.  Almost all people who have come to me for coaching have been experiencing a ‘crazy’ boss. The impact is loss of confidence, feeling confused, dissatisfaction in job role and industry – leading to questioning everything career wise. Questions that came up for me at this point are:

–          Am I any good at my job anymore? I used to be but now I’m not so sure.
–          Do I want to stay in IT?
–          Is this company the right place for me?
–          How long can I put up with this stress for?

Other feelings are:  not wanting to go to work, closing down and becoming perpetually exhausted.  Negative thinking often took over as well further brining me down. I have seen this with friends, colleagues and coaching clients.   Having a boss that regularly puts you down is a confidence crusher.

So I thought I’d put together my top strategies that I use for managing my mindset during such a stressful period and keeping my energy levels up.  This has made it easier for me to move on, find a new role and get out of there.

  1. Tell someone about it
  2. Get Support
  3. Exercise
  4. Work out an exit plan
  5. Focus on what’s next

These tips could easily fall under an umbrella of stay positive but really having been through this, this is not always possible.  Taking positive action will create space to take a breath and maintain your perspective.  At least aim to buffer the negativity at work, so you can boost your energy enough to move on.

1. Tell Someone about it (who will believe you)

  • Reaching out and validating that you’re not the crazy one is important. Find a friend, partner, family member or mentor to talk through what you are experiencing.  Just being heard will make you feel better

2. Get Support

  • One of my big lessons is that no woman is an island and sometimes I am not my best guru (sadly).  Find a counsellor or some level of professional support to help you through it.  From my experience doing this, is that the recovery period afterwards is always quicker if I’ve had this support during the traumatic event.  Don’t downplay your experience.  Dreading getting out of bed every day is not normal.  There’s a reason you don’t want to go to work, don’t let it impact you years down the track.  Dealing with it as much as possible in the now will mean less of a stress hangover  once you’re in your new role.

3. Exercise

  • Now is the time to maintain or create rituals that keep you balanced. Cardio and resistance exercise is the best.   Commit to doing 30 minutes everyday (yoga, weights, gym, cycling, running, ballet.)
  • Add in or up your meditation practice if you can or something that helps your mental discipline (one of my friends loves running to clear her head). Work out an exit plan

4. Create an exit plan

  • Write down a plan of how you are going to get yourself out of this situation.  Create 2 or 3 options and start pursuing them.  Get out quickly.  Look for internal and external roles, network more, keep engaged in industry events.
  • In the exit plan, write down what you want to be happening in your career  and life in 12 months time. Frame your next step by this vision.
  • Accept that you may need to move laterally and find  a life raft out.  This can be hard if like me, you’re super ambition. Focus on safety first and then get back to climbing that career ladder.

5. Focus on what’s next

  • Focus on that 12 month goal.  If you’re looking at study, start investigating options.  If you want to travel, start subscribing to ticket price alerts and turn your desktop screen saver into a shrine for your dream destination.  Start listening to podcasts, music, tedtalks that will keep you focussed on NEXT.
  • Make NEXT your NOW.

Most of all remember, you don’t deserve crazy. It is not normal to be yelled at every day, to have your boss call you 15 times in 2 minutes at 11pm, to have your boss turn up at your front door on the weekend, to rate you down because they’re jealous of your looks, to publicly humiliate you in front of your team or threaten you in any way.  It is NOT NORMAL.  You deserve normal, to be liked, to look forward to work, to enjoy friendship at work, to be praised, to be rewarded and to feel appreciated.

You are WORTH it.
 
You are enough. 
 
Good luck!

 

Extra resources and  links
Previous Blog Posts
Getting support
Information on Employee Entitlements
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I'm Ready Now Book, Positive Motivation, Running a business

Lessons from a year running my own business as a career coach

Hi Fabulous!!

Today marks a year since I began my business as a career coach to women in IT, Science and Engineering.

Its been an awesome experience so far and I can’t wait to see what 2019 brings.  The learnings have been huge.  The sense of satisfaction with my life have been even huger.

If you’re wondering about whether you should go for it – I say GO FOR IT!!!

Just start now.  

There have been big learnings and even bigger growth.  Developing the communications skills necessary to just be with, sit with and be 100% present with a client is a constant work in progress.  To do this means also being able to 100% present with myself.  Its led to some big personal revelations that led me back to counselling and to create a close-out letter for my divorce.  This was a frustrating time because the divorce is 4 years ago and I thought I was ‘over it’.  Found out I wasn’t.   The old me would have denied the pain and got busy suppressing it (busy working, shopping, going out, going to yoga, travelling) but the new me welcomed the gift of truth.  It was scary to confront that I wasn’t ‘over it’, its an ego thing.  Instead I went back to counselling, creating a close-out letter to myself and read it out loud to my counsellor.  It was a very long letter – it was epic.  It was liberating.

The sense of release and energy was invigorating.  Pursuing your truth, your purpose and going for it doesn’t just open the doors you think you want it also helps you move forward with your life in ways you never knew you needed.  Living a whole year in my truth has given me this gift and it is what I hope to help my clients discover too.

The remainder of this blog post is dedicated to some of the bigger learnings I’ve had with clients. Learnings about working in IT, the pressure we place on ourselves and how ambition can drive and control us.  I’m sharing them today to help you with your own self-reflection.  If you like these learnings, please join the Facebook page  where I share prompts 2-3 days per week (mostly) on career, ambition, purpose and faith.

Lesson #1 

Smart, intelligent, driven people still need a cheer leader! 

It is easy to overlook the quiet achiever, the loud ambitious performer thinking they need little in the way of support and encouragement. They may even push back on receiving it.  Lessons from coaching is that working with strong, independent women is that we all still need that motivational support, an encouraging word and a review of achievements.  I know for myself I keep moving the goal posts and when I achieve something I already have a schedule of next achievements to focus on.  For some clients just repeating their achievements, booking in a celebration or breaking down how much has shifted through the coaching series can be their biggest take-away. No one is an island and we all need a hi-5 to know that we are on track and most importantly valued.

Lesson #2

Being heard is powerful

Some people need to speak at length through their ideas and goals, thinking through needs/wants and desires isn’t a quick 5-minute bullet list creation exercise.  Sometimes there are a lot of mindset and energy blocks that get in the way.  There are reasons why a determined ambitious person hasn’t shifted/changed or broken into something new.  These often appear in themes of commitment, loyalty, old stories, beliefs and judgement.  Financial commitments, not wanting to disappoint someone,  getting comfortable with their ambition, focusing on being a provider for their family, not wanting to let themselves down.  These themes can constrain thinking and switching into ‘what do you most want?’ mode isn’t always so easy.  There are a lot of BUTs that get in the way.  Sometimes I will ask: I give you permission to have everything you want – what does that look like?  Another approach is to shift into a a focus on the ‘WHY’ for change.   Both of these approaches allows a client to watch and observe their wants with less or no judgement, so they can safely begin an exploration that isn’t about blowing up their life and family and more of a shift into achieving their needs while maintaining their need to meet existing commitments.

Lesson #3

Emotions are hard work.

Actions are easy but sitting in an emotion and seeing/feeling can be really confronting. When these emotions overwhelm you remember:

You are blessed, you are important, your needs are valuable, be open to receive, be present and be kind to yourself.

Lesson #4

Understanding what we truly want is a skill.

Goals and actions can be set but the client may not truly get to understand  what they most want until session 3-4 – their need/want sometimes needs extra exploration and sometimes their first goal is masking a much deeper goal.  Letting goals evolve and refine through the series has enabled clients to achieve big wins and big shifts in mindset and career.

Lessons #5

Perfectionism can make us afraid. 

Perfectionism can be a big challenge amongst those of us who are senior, technical and scientific – fear of failure, letting ourselves down, not exploring our worth, not making a difference, not being valued. Together with my clients we explore what value is, what a true expression of their talent really means to them… this often leads to openness in finding satisfaction in different job roles and looking for opportunities not dependent on a single employer or role.  Often we explore their need for connection to their industry and hunger for knowledge and expertise (this can transmute into a variety of expressions from community work, finding the right meet up and experts to share stories with, to starting an MBA, to reading more broadly.)

I love to work with women who are wanting to get their next career move right.  Maybe you’ve got a boss that’s wearing your down, maybe you’ve reached the seniority you wanted to and  want to work out what’s next?

Would you love to work with me?  Find out more here

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Ritika Rose‘s Mission Statement: “Your Self Care is Your Healthcare and through Self Awareness comes Self Healing.”
 
Ritika holds a double major degree in Occupational Therapy and Psychology, with additional education and certifications as a Life Coach, Advanced Reiki Practitioner, Meditation Instructor and Intuitive Development. Ritika has also authored a best selling book called T.A.G.G.E.D. U.R. IT! Become the Leader of Your Own Life, which is available on Amazon.
 
Through her career journey in rehabilitation medicine, high level management, and private practice, Ritika has made it her mission to help people embrace their truth and stay conscious of their authentic selves. RiTika Rose established her Health & Wellness practice specializing in Integrative Healing and Self Leadership Coaching in Los Angeles, now building on her successes in the Silicon Valley and San Francisco, Bay Area.
 
Through her studies with world renowned healers, coaches and mentors she has gained and implemented insight, wisdom, and knowledge that she shares within her practice. With nearly 2 decades of serving individuals to ensure their highest quality of life, Ritika Rose uses her strengths, skills and passion for helping others to heal from their inner battles and support their personalized path to peace, healing, purpose and growth and ultimately become the leaders of their own life.
 
Sessions with Ritika can be completed in person in the SF Bay Area or virtually worldwide.
 
You can find Ritika @
IG: @therapy4yoursoul
Linked In: RiTika Rose
 
Book bio:
T.A.G.G.E.D. U.R. IT takes you on a journey of 8 life mastery skills that will help you step into your power and Become the Leader of your Own Life. Inspiring, real, insightful and therapeutic the pages help you discover deeper awareness, understanding, and relationship with yourself and others. Start to live a life that is full, joyful, on purpose, and with peace. Give yourself permission to live life through your authentic self. These steps can be used in your personal, professional and social life. Find it on amazon @ https://www.amazon.com/T-G-G-D-U-R-Become-ebook/dp/B076B7FW2S
 
Every few weeks I hope to bring an interesting interview to you, to explore career change, transition, building a business and living a meaningful life and career.
 
I would love to hear what you biggest takeaway or ah-ha was from this interview, so please comment below to share your thoughts 🙂!!