I'm Ready Now Book, Positive Motivation

How to stay positive when your boss is crazy AF

Ok, I know that ‘crazy’ is the most misused word against women but sometimes we do just have a CRAZY boss to deal with.  One of the biggest challenges in my career has been dealing with bosses that are unpredictable, irrational, angry and explosive.  This has crossed genders.  Almost all people who have come to me for coaching have been experiencing a ‘crazy’ boss. The impact is loss of confidence, feeling confused, dissatisfaction in job role and industry – leading to questioning everything career wise. Questions that came up for me at this point are:

–          Am I any good at my job anymore? I used to be but now I’m not so sure.
–          Do I want to stay in IT?
–          Is this company the right place for me?
–          How long can I put up with this stress for?

Other feelings are:  not wanting to go to work, closing down and becoming perpetually exhausted.  Negative thinking often took over as well further brining me down. I have seen this with friends, colleagues and coaching clients.   Having a boss that regularly puts you down is a confidence crusher.

So I thought I’d put together my top strategies that I use for managing my mindset during such a stressful period and keeping my energy levels up.  This has made it easier for me to move on, find a new role and get out of there.

  1. Tell someone about it
  2. Get Support
  3. Exercise
  4. Work out an exit plan
  5. Focus on what’s next

These tips could easily fall under an umbrella of stay positive but really having been through this, this is not always possible.  Taking positive action will create space to take a breath and maintain your perspective.  At least aim to buffer the negativity at work, so you can boost your energy enough to move on.

1. Tell Someone about it (who will believe you)

  • Reaching out and validating that you’re not the crazy one is important. Find a friend, partner, family member or mentor to talk through what you are experiencing.  Just being heard will make you feel better

2. Get Support

  • One of my big lessons is that no woman is an island and sometimes I am not my best guru (sadly).  Find a counsellor or some level of professional support to help you through it.  From my experience doing this, is that the recovery period afterwards is always quicker if I’ve had this support during the traumatic event.  Don’t downplay your experience.  Dreading getting out of bed every day is not normal.  There’s a reason you don’t want to go to work, don’t let it impact you years down the track.  Dealing with it as much as possible in the now will mean less of a stress hangover  once you’re in your new role.

3. Exercise

  • Now is the time to maintain or create rituals that keep you balanced. Cardio and resistance exercise is the best.   Commit to doing 30 minutes everyday (yoga, weights, gym, cycling, running, ballet.)
  • Add in or up your meditation practice if you can or something that helps your mental discipline (one of my friends loves running to clear her head). Work out an exit plan

4. Create an exit plan

  • Write down a plan of how you are going to get yourself out of this situation.  Create 2 or 3 options and start pursuing them.  Get out quickly.  Look for internal and external roles, network more, keep engaged in industry events.
  • In the exit plan, write down what you want to be happening in your career  and life in 12 months time. Frame your next step by this vision.
  • Accept that you may need to move laterally and find  a life raft out.  This can be hard if like me, you’re super ambition. Focus on safety first and then get back to climbing that career ladder.

5. Focus on what’s next

  • Focus on that 12 month goal.  If you’re looking at study, start investigating options.  If you want to travel, start subscribing to ticket price alerts and turn your desktop screen saver into a shrine for your dream destination.  Start listening to podcasts, music, tedtalks that will keep you focussed on NEXT.
  • Make NEXT your NOW.

Most of all remember, you don’t deserve crazy. It is not normal to be yelled at every day, to have your boss call you 15 times in 2 minutes at 11pm, to have your boss turn up at your front door on the weekend, to rate you down because they’re jealous of your looks, to publicly humiliate you in front of your team or threaten you in any way.  It is NOT NORMAL.  You deserve normal, to be liked, to look forward to work, to enjoy friendship at work, to be praised, to be rewarded and to feel appreciated.

You are WORTH it.
 
You are enough. 
 
Good luck!

 

Extra resources and  links
Previous Blog Posts
Getting support
Information on Employee Entitlements
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I'm Ready Now Book, Positive Motivation, Running a business

Lessons from a year running my own business as a career coach

Hi Fabulous!!

Today marks a year since I began my business as a career coach to women in IT, Science and Engineering.

Its been an awesome experience so far and I can’t wait to see what 2019 brings.  The learnings have been huge.  The sense of satisfaction with my life have been even huger.

If you’re wondering about whether you should go for it – I say GO FOR IT!!!

Just start now.  

There have been big learnings and even bigger growth.  Developing the communications skills necessary to just be with, sit with and be 100% present with a client is a constant work in progress.  To do this means also being able to 100% present with myself.  Its led to some big personal revelations that led me back to counselling and to create a close-out letter for my divorce.  This was a frustrating time because the divorce is 4 years ago and I thought I was ‘over it’.  Found out I wasn’t.   The old me would have denied the pain and got busy suppressing it (busy working, shopping, going out, going to yoga, travelling) but the new me welcomed the gift of truth.  It was scary to confront that I wasn’t ‘over it’, its an ego thing.  Instead I went back to counselling, creating a close-out letter to myself and read it out loud to my counsellor.  It was a very long letter – it was epic.  It was liberating.

The sense of release and energy was invigorating.  Pursuing your truth, your purpose and going for it doesn’t just open the doors you think you want it also helps you move forward with your life in ways you never knew you needed.  Living a whole year in my truth has given me this gift and it is what I hope to help my clients discover too.

The remainder of this blog post is dedicated to some of the bigger learnings I’ve had with clients. Learnings about working in IT, the pressure we place on ourselves and how ambition can drive and control us.  I’m sharing them today to help you with your own self-reflection.  If you like these learnings, please join the Facebook page  where I share prompts 2-3 days per week (mostly) on career, ambition, purpose and faith.

Lesson #1 

Smart, intelligent, driven people still need a cheer leader! 

It is easy to overlook the quiet achiever, the loud ambitious performer thinking they need little in the way of support and encouragement. They may even push back on receiving it.  Lessons from coaching is that working with strong, independent women is that we all still need that motivational support, an encouraging word and a review of achievements.  I know for myself I keep moving the goal posts and when I achieve something I already have a schedule of next achievements to focus on.  For some clients just repeating their achievements, booking in a celebration or breaking down how much has shifted through the coaching series can be their biggest take-away. No one is an island and we all need a hi-5 to know that we are on track and most importantly valued.

Lesson #2

Being heard is powerful

Some people need to speak at length through their ideas and goals, thinking through needs/wants and desires isn’t a quick 5-minute bullet list creation exercise.  Sometimes there are a lot of mindset and energy blocks that get in the way.  There are reasons why a determined ambitious person hasn’t shifted/changed or broken into something new.  These often appear in themes of commitment, loyalty, old stories, beliefs and judgement.  Financial commitments, not wanting to disappoint someone,  getting comfortable with their ambition, focusing on being a provider for their family, not wanting to let themselves down.  These themes can constrain thinking and switching into ‘what do you most want?’ mode isn’t always so easy.  There are a lot of BUTs that get in the way.  Sometimes I will ask: I give you permission to have everything you want – what does that look like?  Another approach is to shift into a a focus on the ‘WHY’ for change.   Both of these approaches allows a client to watch and observe their wants with less or no judgement, so they can safely begin an exploration that isn’t about blowing up their life and family and more of a shift into achieving their needs while maintaining their need to meet existing commitments.

Lesson #3

Emotions are hard work.

Actions are easy but sitting in an emotion and seeing/feeling can be really confronting. When these emotions overwhelm you remember:

You are blessed, you are important, your needs are valuable, be open to receive, be present and be kind to yourself.

Lesson #4

Understanding what we truly want is a skill.

Goals and actions can be set but the client may not truly get to understand  what they most want until session 3-4 – their need/want sometimes needs extra exploration and sometimes their first goal is masking a much deeper goal.  Letting goals evolve and refine through the series has enabled clients to achieve big wins and big shifts in mindset and career.

Lessons #5

Perfectionism can make us afraid. 

Perfectionism can be a big challenge amongst those of us who are senior, technical and scientific – fear of failure, letting ourselves down, not exploring our worth, not making a difference, not being valued. Together with my clients we explore what value is, what a true expression of their talent really means to them… this often leads to openness in finding satisfaction in different job roles and looking for opportunities not dependent on a single employer or role.  Often we explore their need for connection to their industry and hunger for knowledge and expertise (this can transmute into a variety of expressions from community work, finding the right meet up and experts to share stories with, to starting an MBA, to reading more broadly.)

I love to work with women who are wanting to get their next career move right.  Maybe you’ve got a boss that’s wearing your down, maybe you’ve reached the seniority you wanted to and  want to work out what’s next?

Would you love to work with me?  Find out more here

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Ritika Rose‘s Mission Statement: “Your Self Care is Your Healthcare and through Self Awareness comes Self Healing.”
 
Ritika holds a double major degree in Occupational Therapy and Psychology, with additional education and certifications as a Life Coach, Advanced Reiki Practitioner, Meditation Instructor and Intuitive Development. Ritika has also authored a best selling book called T.A.G.G.E.D. U.R. IT! Become the Leader of Your Own Life, which is available on Amazon.
 
Through her career journey in rehabilitation medicine, high level management, and private practice, Ritika has made it her mission to help people embrace their truth and stay conscious of their authentic selves. RiTika Rose established her Health & Wellness practice specializing in Integrative Healing and Self Leadership Coaching in Los Angeles, now building on her successes in the Silicon Valley and San Francisco, Bay Area.
 
Through her studies with world renowned healers, coaches and mentors she has gained and implemented insight, wisdom, and knowledge that she shares within her practice. With nearly 2 decades of serving individuals to ensure their highest quality of life, Ritika Rose uses her strengths, skills and passion for helping others to heal from their inner battles and support their personalized path to peace, healing, purpose and growth and ultimately become the leaders of their own life.
 
Sessions with Ritika can be completed in person in the SF Bay Area or virtually worldwide.
 
You can find Ritika @
IG: @therapy4yoursoul
Linked In: RiTika Rose
 
Book bio:
T.A.G.G.E.D. U.R. IT takes you on a journey of 8 life mastery skills that will help you step into your power and Become the Leader of your Own Life. Inspiring, real, insightful and therapeutic the pages help you discover deeper awareness, understanding, and relationship with yourself and others. Start to live a life that is full, joyful, on purpose, and with peace. Give yourself permission to live life through your authentic self. These steps can be used in your personal, professional and social life. Find it on amazon @ https://www.amazon.com/T-G-G-D-U-R-Become-ebook/dp/B076B7FW2S
 
Every few weeks I hope to bring an interesting interview to you, to explore career change, transition, building a business and living a meaningful life and career.
 
I would love to hear what you biggest takeaway or ah-ha was from this interview, so please comment below to share your thoughts 🙂!!
Confidence Builders, I'm Ready Now Book, Positive Motivation

4 actionable steps to build your confidence today

4 actionable steps to take to build confidence today 

1. Have Perspective. You’re not alone.
2. Do small things. What is one thing you can do today to increase your confidence?
3. Find an accidental mentor.
4. Adopt an enduring desire for change

Want more?

Click the picture to watch the back story.

Want to get ahead of the pack and stand in your power?

Want to lead your pack and get that promotion this year?

Want to take control and get results?

Want exclusive support?

Then book a consult today to get started.

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I'm Ready Now Book, Positive Motivation

Following your heart opens up your world to possibility

What is the biggest learning you had this week?

If you follow me on Linkedin, Facebook or Insta, you will have noticed I sometimes post a learning of the week. These learnings cover 3 areas – what I learnt about myself, what I learnt about other or society, what I learnt at work.

Here are some highlights from my notes over Dec-Jan:

  • People listen when you communicate a message in the way they need to hear it
  • Kindness is powerful
  • Following your heart opens your world to possibility
  • We all love to laugh
Following your heart opens up your world to possibility

Following your heart opens up your world to possibility

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What have you learnt this week at work, about others and about yourself?

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I'm Ready Now Book, Positive Motivation

Why is everyone just so critical ? Second chances and letting relationships just evolve.

How quickly do you label a colleague, direct report, peer or boss an idiot?   After one or two stuff ups, poorly chosen words or a funny facial expression?

I remember a mentor of mine once saying: “Why are aussies SO critical all the time?”

It seems like any minor problem will be taken as sufficient reason to write someone off entirely.

The most rewarding relationships are those that we invest in, when we truly get to know someone under a lot of different conditions.

In 2017, I discovered how rewarding seeing past someone’s reputation was and taking the time to develop a strong relationship could be.  But it took TIME and openness from both sides.  It meant having open conversations about things that bothered me and it meant me being open to things that bothered him.  It was worth the effort.

Is there someone you have written off?

What would happen if you tried again to build a positive relationship?

What are you missing out on by being closed off to this person?

What are the differences between boundaries and letting relationships grow organically?

Are we just too critical?

 

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I'm Ready Now Book

Diplomacy 101

Respect confidences given freely.

Some of my biggest life lessons happened early particularly in regard to being diplomatic.  These lessons have always helped me especially in corporate roles. I originally shared this via Facebook and am sharing here with you just in case you missed it.

What lessons did you learn early and still apply today?

What happened?

When I was young (less than 10 I think), Mum told me how she had to give up studying at high-school at the end of Year 10 and shift to secretarial studies because she was a girl. Her brother was allowed to finish and become an engineer. I remember being MAD! Really MAD!

Shortly after, I remember walking beside my Poppa (Mum’s Dad). We were walking next to Frankston Tafe, opposite the train station. I remember it being a hot summers day. I seem to remember holding my Poppa’s hand, peering up with the sun in my eyes and saying ‘Poppa, why didn’t you let Mummy finish high-school?’


Afterwards (not sure how long afterwards), I remember Mum telling me never to repeat anything she told me to Poppa or too anyone else again. Mum was MAD, really MAD!

How did I feel?

Ashamed that I had embrassed my Mum and caused trouble.

Outraged that the issue was me speaking up, not the issue I perceived to be the ‘real issue’.

Taken aback, I thought I was helping.

What did I learn?

Don’t raise an objection on someone else’s behalf unless you have their permission.

Understand what is confidential and personal vs public knowledge.
Respect confidences given freely.

Epilogue : my Mum went back to school while I was in high school and completed a Bachelor of Arts and a Masters in Feminism studies and returned to the paid workforce until retirement.

Now, I’d love to hear from you.

What lessons did you learn early and still apply today?

 

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