My name is Beatrice Crocker, and I help women to stand in their power and get ahead of a pack. And I work with women in male dominated professions to get the career that they want. You can find out more about me at beatricecrocker.com
Today’s post is the first in a series of three, which is three secrets to always getting what you want. And today I’m sharing secret number one.
Watch the video and read more below
Secret #1 How to know what you want.
How often do you say this “I know exactly what I want in my life” ?
hmmmm, like never right?
I know this is something I’ve really struggled with. Although for a long time I didn’t realise it. But I was definitely living life according to what I had been told what to do vs what I most wanted. It wasn’t a conscious thing. I’d had goals for career and relationships and I achieved them. I just didn’t have bigger goals or appreciated what I really wanted in my life. And it didn’t click for me until a great friend and mentor told me ‘You have to have a plan Beatrice, you have to know where you’re heading and WHY you’re pursuing it’.
It sounds like an easy thing to say but let’s face its not an easy thing to do.
For a long time I led a life according to shoulds instead of examining what I really wanted. I should have a high paying job, I should have a house, I should get married etc. And although these things are great, I never asked myself what do I really want? And when I did it it was really hard work, because for a long time I had overlaid other people’s wants onto what I thought I wanted.
I hadn’t done the work.
So I ended up marrying the wrong person, buying the wrong house, and staying in the right job, but for too long until it became the wrong job. And to be quite honest I didn’t even realise I was leading a life of shoulds, but I look back now and I can see I was doing just that. Of course that’s the beauty of hindsight. However, during this period I got sick a lot, I had colds, sinus infections, migraines, nearly lost the eyesight in one eye, and a breast cancer scare (thankfully only a scare). So my body was screaming at me to stop, but I just kept going anyway.
And so when I found myself single again, no hubby, no baby, no house. That was really when I took the time to self examine and really have a look at what I really wanted in life. And I guess my biggest realisation was that I wasn’t very good at doggedly pursuing what I truly wanted, and I wasn’t very good at knowing what that was either.
So I’m sharing the secrets that I’ve learnt in terms of getting what you want because now that I have done the work, and I understand my WHY (helping women progress) and WHAT I want to achieve. I have had the happiest, most satisfying 2 years of my life.
I really want this for you as well.
So if you’ve gone for a long time without being clear on what you want, this series will help you get crystal clear.
What do you really want?
1. Let instinct be your best friend.
It’s time to practice letting instinct guide you. The best way to tap into instinct is to focus on your emotional and physical reactions.
- How do certain events make you feel ?
- How do people make you feel physically and emotionally?
- Do you feel relaxed, energised, happy, at ease?
- Do you feel tight, contracting, anxious, uncomfortable?
- When you feel most relaxed?
- When do you feel most energised ?
- When do you feel super healthy?
- When do you feel on edge?
- What gives you an instant headache?
- When does that injury play up again?
All these reactions are giving you clues to what you want and love and what you don’t.
1. Take notes on how people, events, ideas, make you feel and act.
2. Take note of any recurring themes.
2. Embrace variety
Try lots of new and different things in your life.
Say YES more.
So if you’ve sort of dropped some hobbies, go back to old hobbies, find some new hobbies and activities.
- Write down what makes you happy, sad, passive, excited, joyful, tired.
- Is something draining your life force? Then, stop doing it.
- Invest more time in the activity that boost your energy and make you feel good.
3. Turn a negative into a postiive
Write down a list of things that you don’t like, at work, in terms of a partner, in terms of your home. They don’t have to be current things, they could just be things you know you don’t love,
So if you’re like look I don’t like being in roles that require high detail and little human interaction, then the reverse of that is I like being in strategic creative roles with lots of time spent face to face with people. And so if you haven’t really had a lot of time recently where you’ve really been happy doing something, write down all the things like are really bugging you, and then reverse it. And it will give you the keys to what will make you really happy.
4. Feel it out
Don’t expect too much too quickly. If you’re out of practice with knowing and feeling what you want then it will take time. So start off small and build up. And if you’re working on big life changes focus on changing one thing at a time not everything. If that’s a choice.
After getting divorced I lived in three different houses, made three different job changes – all in 18 months. It was way too much change!!! Some of this was definitely avoidable and it happened because I just didn’t take the time to listen to myself and give myself some breathing room to feel it all out.
1. Take all the time you need.
Getting instinct back into your life takes practice.